Heavy Heart

I feel sad, but I don't want to talk about it.

My mom rang just now - and when she and my dad call they try their best to pamper me through the phone since they can't do it in person anymore. It's usually a nice ending to my day, especially now that I've managed to make it happen less often.

But today I just shouted at my mom and told her I wanted to get off the phone. And she was still nice and said "okay good night Ru!" and all that, but I really shouldn't have done it because it has nothing to do with her.

Since I got here I haven't had a chance to miss home, or miss Malaysia. I've been kept busy, not only by uni, but mercifully by friends. Lately however, even though I still have the opportunity to be busy, sometimes I start feeling a bit sad. And it's not because I'm missing home, but it definitely has something to do with me coming to Australia.

I'm the only one staying at Arrow. I mean, I've met some people who stay at Arrow as well, but I don't have the opportunity to hang out with them 'cause our schedules are so conflicting. But my friends are different. They either have roommates, or stay in the same apartment complex, or in the case of my college and uni friends they stay at College Square Lygon and so can visit each other at any time. When you live in the same complex, you can go out together, you can study together, you can cook together, and there's always someone nearby. This also helps them grow a group of close friends.

I don't feel like an outsider at all, but I do sometimes wish that I lived around friends. Since I can't always visit/go out with them since they live further away, I have to deal with everything myself. I don't have their luxury, and it's not something that normally gets at me because I like living in the city, being near to uni and important places, but once in a blue moon it does.

The only reason I'm blogging about it this time is because I realise that lately I have been stopping myself from feeling anything but happy. Since I normally am a contented person, I don't surpress my emotions when they occur. But since I've got here, I haven't wanted to be homesick or feel alone, and so if I feel something is going to make me feel a bit down, I distract myself somehow. I don't want that to happen, because I think that's unhealthy.

But yeah. This is just an off night for me :) At least I'm not feeling homesick :)

Anyway, I'm hoping to find a roommate for next year. I haven't really begun searching, but I know I would like one :) Cheaper rent is one big factor, but I suppose I also want the knowledge that someone else is there. So we'll see how it goes. I'll pray on it!

I think I better call my parents now...say goodnight properly!

And I'll be fine....I have to be...